The Over Use and Abuse of Smilies act of 1997.

Four score and nine years ago, our forefather, Bill Gates, brought unto this universe a powerful, and benevolent gift. The smilie. Since it's inception, the smilie has become the stringy sinew holding together the gritty mass that is the IM and email universe. When one, or two, or a chat room of 400 view this seemingly benign combinations of letters and numbers, dull conversation is instantly taken to a much more real, and emotional realm. Take for instance the use of the term "blow me". In it's regular form, it can breed many things. Arousal, hope, anger...but follow it with the timeless combination of the colon (:) with the "D", and let the laugh riot ensue. Alas, smilies are not without their own set of rules and regulations. A smilie, or "emoticon" to the more net savvy, can be an effective tool when used sparingly, and in the correct context. Overuse and abuse of the smilies makes for uncertainty, over stimulation, and mis-communication. Thus, we are enacting the "Over Use and Abuse of Smilies Act". Please follow, and adhere to the following smilie guidelines. Remember, they have been established for your safety, and well being.

Section A.
Part I - Emotional Accuracy.
The smilie is to be used only in instances fitting for said emotion. To use the sad smilie " :( " when anything other than sad is a misrepresentation of ones emotions, and will not be tolerated. Emoticons are here for our benefit, and to use them in a false, or incorrect manner serves only in advancing the greater evils of society. One must hear, "I'm horny", and get the standard (o)(o) (titties). To use the angel ( O:) ) would be confusing, and inappropriate.
Part II - Multiple Varying Smilie Coagulation
Layering multiple smilies of varying different sentiments serves no purpose other than burying the true meaning of the initial, or intended smilie. Smilies should be used in moderation, and combinations should be kept to a minimum. How is one supposed to interpret the "smoking cigar blues brother" smilie when he is accompanied by his friend the "devil", and "the afro" smilie. This is an experiment in mass confusion chaos in the making and should be avoided.

Part III - Multiple Single Smilie Coagulation
The use of repeated smilies of the same configuration / emotion is approved only in instances where conveyance of chosen emotion is paramount to the outcome and intended meaning of the conversation. For example, "I got the job and I am sooooo happy!!! :) :) :) :) :) The use of smilie layering and multiple single smilie coagulation should be used only in extreme circumstances, and only under the supervision of a smilie professional.

Section B

Part I - Smilie to Conversation Ratio
An acceptable ratio of smilie to wording is as follows; one allotted smilie for every 20 words of text. This forces the distributer of said smilies to use both use the smilies sparingly, and really examine the emotion which they have chosen for the topic at hand. This eliminates any crossing of conversational signals, and keeps conversation in an adult and progressive manner.

Part II - Use of Other Pictures and Suggestive Material.
Sex and profanity have no place in the smilie world. Granted, the spooging phallus may be worthy of a chuckle ( ====D~ ), and everyone thinks a bung hole is hilarious ( () ), but smilies are a pure, and beautiful flower in the desert of trash that is the Internet. Leave this type of smilie right where it belongs. In your computers trash bin. :)

Remember, smilies are here for the enjoyment and good of everyone. Use them with a good heart, and a clean mind, and the opportunity to touch lives is limitless. Take these rules with you and abide by them with a happy heart, and a clean conscience. Let smilies make your world a better place. :)