Hello? Are you out there? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I was sitting around today wondering where in the world I am headed. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way in the universe. Hell, I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way on my block. In the middle of my glimpse into the mid-life crisis, I decided to go back and read my journals. They began at the age of 12. Not much there in the way of content, but still a good way to kill a few hours. Not that I had hours to kill. I should have been out looking for a job. I'm 31, unemployed, non-degreed, with no particular agenda or skills to speak of. A real catch in the eyes of a prospective employer. So, I decided to search for todays job inside my own thoughts.

There is was, all laid out on paper. My fears. Dreams. All the stuff you pour out in the dark of night with a flashlight under a sheet, because if it were to see the light of day it would be far too painful. Many entries about boys, and dreams, and boys, and hopes, and...boys. How odd I would end up still single. It seemed that that had be my only concern my entire life.

I have to blame my dream of my high school crush last night for my trip down memory lane. It was the second such dream in a little over a week. Funny how once your brain wraps around something, it sticks like some kind of coccoon. Always waiting to open in that beautiful state...even if that beautiful state never manifests itself. What no one tells you as you turn down memory lane, is that there is no off ramp to speak of. You're there for a while, buddy, so sit back, relax, and grab the merlot, because you're gonna need it. Life has no airbag.

I wondered what my life would have been had I ever allowed myself the two seconds to stop thinking about this illusive perfect love, and focus on life? That's when I decided to start this blog. There are millions of people out there like me. People who somehow wandered from teen, to twenties, and woke up here in a thirty year old body with thirty year old problems, but no idea how in the hell they had got there. There have to be other people confused, wondering, looking out from this mountain of adulthood into the haze of the valley below, and feeling nothing but the insuing hypoxia. Are you out there too, feeling like you're in some waking dream? What happened to videos on MTV? Who stole our anonymity and handed us a cell phone? Where are Alex P. Keaton, and Michael Night? Why are people doing ANYTHING on TV for money? Where is the innocence, and is it too late for us to get it back?

Where did it all go? The loves, the dreams, the promises, the clarity? I know we are out there. We march en masse through everyday, hoping that there is still a chance our REAL dreams will come to fruition. Hoping that 30 really IS the new 21, and we can fix all the fissures that reality has created in our once solid world. I'm here to speak for us all. To let you know you are not alone. To give you my views, and my emotions, my joy, and even my pain. Come with me on this journey, and I'll show you we are not alone.